Don't be mean to your friends that post pictures of their kids on Facebook all the time. They're just excited they finally had a moment where their kid wasn't screaming, climbing, hiding, or pooping and they had to share it. You posted 6 pictures of a burrito yesterday so settle down. If you're a parent with a young child, here are 13 things you probably find yourself saying almost every day.
"Here's your favorite toy, sweetheart. Oh what's that? You're terrified of it and hate it now? Great. Glad I spent $50 on it!"
"Can you PLEASE eat something? Anything. No, not cookies. You can't have cookies and Skittles for dinner."
"Are you pooping? Just tell me if you're pooping. You're saying no, but I can tell you're trying to poop, aren't you? Great...you pooped."
"What time is it, like 2am? I can barely keep my eyes open. WHAT? IT'S 8:30pm???"
"I've had that stupid SpongeBob song stuck in my head for two days and I swear if I hear it one more time..."
"Explain to me how this kid won't eat any of the actual food we give him, but if the dog drops a piece of food he chows down on it like it's filet mignon."
"You sure you don't need to go to the bathroom before we get in the car?"
*4 minutes later*
I NEED TO GO PEE!
"You've got to be kidding me right now."
"Oh fantastic, the DVR is full of 40 episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, 26 of Yo Gabba Gabba, and something called Team Umizoomi? Is that some sort of CrossFit for kids?"
"SERIOUSLY, STOP LICKING EVERYTHING!"
"Whatever, I'm wearing sweatpants to the mall. At this point I might wear them to a wedding."
"Can I PLEASE have three minutes in the bathroom with someone busting in like the Kool-Aid man?"
"Ohhh so you're saying the cat threw all the DVDs into the shower? Yeah I could see how it was probably him and not you, considering there's a DVD in your hand right now."
"Of course. As soon as I get mad you go and do the cutest thing in the world and make me fall in love with you all over again."