I don't know what it is about the mall or the grocery store that transforms the most well-behaved child into a diabolical maniac, but it is an inevitable battle every parent will face at some point. The worst part is that it'll happen when you least expect it. Here are 12 unexpected disasters that happen when you take a toddler shopping.
Out of nowhere, for no reason whatsoever your kid is going to start screaming. What does he want? Who knows. But until you somehow figure it out he's going to be like a tiny Steven Tyler.
It doesn't matter if you've sheltered your child his entire life; at some point he's going to wait until you're in the middle of the store, surround by strangers, and loudly proclaim something either perverted, racist, inappropriate, or just generally offensive and you will be forever humiliated.
Remember how you let him bring in his favorite toy so he would be calm and quiet? He just realized he dropped it at some point. Now you have to retrace your entire trip to locate a $3 stuffed animal.
Even if your kid hasn't learned to walk yet, she'll find a way to stand up in the shopping cart and try her best to obtain a neck injury. You'll question what she ate that turned her into a spider monkey.
If you want to prevent the grocery cart parkour attempts, you'll have to get one of those Xzibit customized kid carts that look like a pirate ship or something. The problem is that they feel like they weigh as much as a Toyota Corolla so pushing it around with a kid and groceries is almost impossible.
Aaaaaand now he peed through he diaper and onto the only pair of jeans your brought for him.
Why are you being questioned by a mall cop? How did the security system go off? Oh, because your kid decided to grab a watch off the counter and shove it in his pants.
Remember all those pennies you showed him in the fountain? He just decided to go after them. I mean, it's free money, right?
At some point when you were holding your kid he accidentally unbuttoned your top. You've been walking around looking somewhere between PG-13 and R for at least the last hour.
When you get to the checkout counter you realize there are approximately 36 items that you didn't pick out. Your kid tossed them in the cart. The cashier already rang a dozen of them up so now you either have to start the whole transaction over or buy 8 containers of salt.
They don't want to walk, but they also don't want to ride in the grocery cart and insist on being in the stroller. That means you have nowhere to put your groceries without looking like an insane person.
If you do finally give in and let them walk, as soon as you turn your head for a fraction of a second, they're sprinting away like a frightened puma and now you're running through the mall with a stroller, diaper bag, shopping bags, and a Cinnabon. This is not your finest moment.