22 New Year's Resolutions You Wish Your Pets Would Make

31 Dec 2014 Animals
22 New Year's Resolutions You Wish Your Pets Would Make

Animals probably only know New Year's as "The Night Of Many Loud Noises," but if they understood our human traditions, we'd like to think they'd do their best to work on some self-improvement.

1. "When I go to the door and bark, I will actually go outside instead of just standing there."

When I go to the door and bark, I will actually go outside instead of just standing there.

2. “I will not re-ingest anything that comes out of my body.”

I will not re-ingest anything that comes out of my body.

3. “I will finally catch that red dot.”

I will finally catch that red dot.

4. “I will learn to lie on the bed vertically rather than horizontally.”

I will learn to lie on the bed vertically rather than horizontally.

5. “I will not bark incessantly at 5 a.m. for no reason.”

I will not bark incessantly at 5 a.m. for no reason.

6. "This is the year I will finally learn: toilet bowl, not for drinking."

This is the year I will finally learn: toilet bowl, not for drinking.

7. “I will finally find out who the good boy is.”

I will finally find out who the good boy is

8. “I will stop sharpening my nails on the side of the bed.”

I will stop sharpening my nails on the side of the bed.

9. “I will stop reaching under the door when Mom’s trying to pee.”

I will stop reaching under the door when Mom’s trying to pee.

10. “I will not eat anything that will cause significant changes to my poo.”

I will not eat anything that will cause significant changes to my poo.

11. “I will reserve my hairballs for the hardwood floors only...okay maybe shoes, too.”

I will reserve my hairballs for the hardwood floors only...okay maybe shoes, too.

12. “I will stop hiding your socks. That's the dryer's job.”

I will stop hiding your socks. That's the dryer's job.

13. “The poop will stay in the litter box.”

The poop will stay in the litter box.

14. “I will nap only in appropriate places, which do not include my Dad’s laptop keyboard.”

I will nap only in appropriate places, which do not include my Dad’s laptop keyboard

15. “I won’t leave dead rodents on the doormat unless expressly requested.”

I won’t leave dead rodents on the doormat unless expressly requested.

16. “No matter how angry I am about Mom leaving for the weekend, I will not pee in her shoes.”

No matter how angry I am about Mom leaving for the weekend, I will not pee in her shoes.

17. “I will reserve my screams at the food bowl for only when I’m truly starving to death…which is never.”

I will reserve my screams at the food bowl for only when I’m truly starving to death…which is never.

18. “I will drink water from the dish instead of splashing it around with my paw.”

I will drink water from the dish instead of splashing it around with my paw.

19. ”“I will not freak out when I see the vacuum for the 1000th time.”

I will not freak out when I see the vacuum for the 1000th time.

20. “My butthole will maintain a safe distance from the human’s face at all times.”

My butthole will maintain a safe distance from the human’s face at all times.

21. "I will learn to accept bath time as an inevitable fact of life."

I will learn to accept bath time as an inevitable fact of life.

22. "I won't use my sad puppy eyes on you when I inevitably break all of these resolutions."

I won't use my sad puppy eyes on you when I inevitably break all of these resolutions.
Share on Facebook
Follow us on facebook.